When God asks a question, He is not seeking information. Rather, He is calling us to listen. He has something to say, something to teach us. Him. He is knocking on the doors of our hearts, seeing if we will let Him enter. And so it was with me when the Lord interrupted my morning routine with a question some weeks ago. Quietly but clearly I heard Him ask , “Amy, what do I hate most?”
Immediately, I knew the answer was not sin - at least not sin as I usually imagine it. Our Father was not referring to acts of passion, or theft, or lying. His question evoked a response in my own heart - an intuitive “knowing” that what grieves Him most is disbelief.
By disbelief I do not mean the garden variety questioning of God’s existence which most people experience at some point in their lives. No, the disbelief which God hates takes root in people like me- those who have seen His wonders and known His saving power, yet still doubt His love.
The majority of the adults who passed through the Red Sea grieved God with their disbelief. The saw the fire of God’s presence which warmed them by night and the the cloud which shaded them from the burning desert sun. They ate bread from heaven and drank water from a Rock, and still they accused they Almighty of leading them into the wilderness to die. His anger burned against the nation He had chosen for they refused to believe He would deliver the Canaanites into their hand. They doubted His goodness even after laying eyes upon the land flowing with milk and honey. And so the Lord sent them back into the wilderness for forty years. He never abandoned Israel, but He could not delight in that doubting generation. It was their sons and daughters who inherited the land.
I do not think we Christians are so different from the Israelites. We believe that God interrupted history once long ago to bring us salvation, but we doubt His nearness now. We fail to remember His unfailing provision in our lives. We hardly dare to expect answers to our prayers, much less the fulfillment of ancient prophecies. We do not understand the eagerness of God to show us His ways, to prove Himself as a warrior, and to escort His Bride as she passes through the wilderness.
It is true that the wilderness is harsh. The journey will not always be pleasant. God did not spare His own Son the heat, the thirst and hunger of the desert. We should expect no less. We will be tempted and threatened by enemies. But we must live as Jesus did, that “by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” God has given “great and precious promises” to His people and He will surely fulfill them all.
There are words the Father has spoken to me, personal promises concerning the next generation, which have not yet come to pass. At the moment I do not see their fulfillment. I am passing through the wilderness along with the next generation. Here we wait, learning the ways of God, receiving our daily bread. There is a pillar of fire over our heads - the very presence of the Holy Spirit. This fire is not visible to mortal eyes, but I believe our enemies see it and fear. Sometimes I can feel this fire in my bones; most often I do not. But my awareness not change the reality of the Father’s nearness. It does not change His commitment to His word. There will be a fulfillment of all He has spoken, and our Father is blessed when we believe the words He has spoken, just as Mary did. It know it is good for me to cling to His word! Doubt leads to fear, and I hate living in fear.
So I thank you, Lord, for interrupting my thoughts with a question. You knew I was drifting into disbelief, overcome by the rigors of the wilderness, and You came knocking on my tent door. When I hear Your voice, it is much easier to believe. Holy Spirit, give us ears to hear the Father’s voice!