Today is the birthday of my beautiful daughter-in-law Abigail and the anniversary of her engagement to my son Justus. Justus and Abby were married this January, in the jaws of the pandemic. Their wedding was a sign of hope, I think, for their generation. But I was not there. This is a little piece I wrote while sick with COVID, processing my grief over missing the wedding along with my joy in their union. Happy Birthday, Abby! I am so thankful for you!
Sequestered in my room for 6 days now, I’ve had lots of time to think about snow and Kevin’s post on pilgrimage. His writing reminded me of a pilgrimage Thomas and I made in January of 2010, to Antioch in Turkey. We left on Jan. 6, Three Kings Day, a fitting day to set forth on a spiritual journey. It was cold that day, with a cover of low gray clouds. I felt chilled.
The plane took off and flew through the gray mist for several minutes. Then all of a sudden, the plane broke out of the clouds. To my great shock, the sun was shining brightly up there above the clouds! It shone through my little cabin window, falling on my knees and warming my body. I felt silly being surprised by the sun, but I was both surprised and elated. I realized for the first time that from God’s perspective the sun is always shining. It is always daylight to Him. And clouds seen from above are white and beautiful, not gray and ominous.
Of course, the Lord is aware of our clouds. He has compassion on His children who must endure the chill of the journey. But He is in control , and to borrow a phrase from Tolkien, “none of His ways are needless.”
I was in bed with a raging fever as the snow fell. In a way, I was thankful for the fever because it kept my mind from thinking too much about my son’s wedding which I had missed that day. I drifted in and out of consciousness, largely unable to focus on the livestream of the wedding. Later, In the darkness of the night I woke up panicked. “I missed my son’s wedding! I may have exposed loved ones to Covid! I have to get up and pray! But what should I pray?”
In answer to my feverish questions, I heard these words in my spirit, “We know that everything works together for the good of those who love God, to those called according to His purpose.”
So that is what I prayed. Peace filled my heart and I fell asleep happy that snow was falling on Justus and Abby.
Part of pilgrimage is letting go and moving on. I never imagined that I would miss my son’s wedding! I could not have born the grief to know that ahead of time. But when the day came, Thomas and I were still full of joy - the kind of joy John the Baptist describes as the friend of the Bridegroom. “He must increase and I must decrease.”
In every age, the elders must bless and make room for the next generation. We who are older must find joy in God’s anointing on those who are younger. We must cheer them on with love and prayers and sacrifice as they run to places we have never been.
I feel this joy in the midst of the clouds of pandemic. God holds our future in His hand. He sits above the clouds where it is always light. He is planning a wedding for His Son and on that day, I will be well!